Love, Freedom and Aloneness

Aloneness
Credits

Today I discovered Chandra Mohan Jain, also known as Osho. He was an Indian mystic, guru and spiritual teacher. I've never heard of him before but I accidentally found a quote on pinterest about our capacity to love that got my attention. It is so simple, but at the same time it is really deep and insightful and it made perfect sense to me. This was the excerpt:

“The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it's not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person--without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.” Osho

Aren't we all constantly learning to love? I know I am. The older I get, the more I realize that it is very challenging to love someone, to make them happy and to be happy too. According to Osho, happiness should only come from us and not from the others. Isn't it beautiful to believe that we only depend on ourselves? 

I was so curious that I ordered his book "Love, Freedom and Aloneness" because I feel that sometimes I just need a different perspective on life and how to live it, to keep an open mind and an open heart. 

Hopefully it will be enlightening, I'll let you know what I thought after I read it. 

Your TopCrusher,

Daniela 

Second Chances

Past and future
Credits

Let's talk about second chances.

Should we give one?

Do we deserve one?

Are both sides up to the challenge?

Well, wouldn't it be nice if we knew all the answers in advance! 

I've been thinking a lot about second chances lately. Although everyone seems to have an opinion, it's very difficult to evaluate these kind of things... On one hand, no one wants to waste their time - and their precious feelings - on someone who hasn't worked out in the past, no matter what the reason was, and this is something that crosses our mind instantly: why?

Why am I even thinking about this? Am I this stupid, really? Why still on my mind? Again, we can't know these things for sure unless we give them a try. Hours, minutes, days, years go by, and still, this is where you are. Should we take that as a sign? 

Precisely my point... And on the other hand of the negative side everyone has thought: even when you are giving a first chance, aren't you taking a big risk too? I mean, honestly, how many first chances haven't worked out for you? If we analyse this clearly we're always taking risks no matter what. I realize each case is different but if something makes you happy, I believe that should be enough to make you, at least, consider the risk. Why struggle against something that is giving you a reason to smile? The past experiences should be right where they belong: far, far away. Take your lesson, learn from it, and move on.

Again, the drama of second chances. 

From my point of view, I guess everyone deserves one: do you have the courage to give a second chance... or to seize the one you are given? You don't want to look back regretting an opportunity you didn't give or one you didn't enjoy because you weren't brave enough. 

The answers are right where they belong too: the future. 

Your TopCrusher,

Daniela

Girl Talk : Casual Cruelty

Recently, I've come across an interview of Lena Dunham (gotta love her truly-madly-deeply) where she was asked to name one thing that she really didn't like and she only said two words: Casual Cruelty. 

All of the sudden, that stroke a chord with me. You know in cartoons where a lightbulb goes of? It was something like that for me, I really thought "that's it" that's the root of all petty problems amongst women: we operate under this directive for far too long, we are "casually cruel" to each other every day: friends, co workers, best friends, mums, daughters, we are all victims of it and we keep doing that to each other.

See also: 8 things about the Portuguese Woman

This must stop. The need to put the other person (women) down because your hair doesn't look nice today, your dress doesn't quite fit, your heels are hurting or you really mess up with your boss this morning,  you don't get the right to be mean because you are insecure about something. 

Suck it up, we are all angry, yep I'm angry a lot, but don't be the bad bitch you feel the need to be. 

You can take it out on someone who is completely unwarned of whats going on an in that moment that sure is gratifying. but then what? You were a horrible person and that comment will sooner or latter cost you something because karma works around the clock and it ins't in a hurry. 

I'm not taking the moral high ground here, hey I've done it more times that I can remember but hey, you need to stop this. I'm not saying spread the peace and love among women lets all join hand in prays no! no bullshit, just cut it out mean spirited current comments such as this:

"hey, that skirt looks really good on you! it disguises your huge hips, honestly"

"Stop it! You need to grow up and stop being so whinny really, just being honest here"

"Oh common we both know you never be able to pull it off in that situation, to be honest"

Oh it's cool to be honest!But misguided anger it's not! And I'm not saying that you have to smile and be polite and happy all the goddam time. God, I'm not always happy, I'm not always smiling in fact I frown a lot, A LOT! and...I'm not fuking polite all the time. 

The message here is be better. Do not take down other girls on their looks, on their behavior, on their intelligence, just....be better than that.

And so on. Many of you will think that I'm just being sensitive, other will relate, and others...will turn away without acknowledging they have done it but they will know it, every women recognises the moment where she has taken it too far. 

Because, if you all have felt that sting you don't see coming...wouldn't we know that it really really hurts?

Your TopCrusher,
Alex